Saturday, August 27, 2005

Addicted to...

wagging school. I'll explain that later. This week at school was.... just plain weird. If only I could plot my emotions on a graph, it would be exactly a graph that represents the level of economic activity in a certain country... there would be booms, contractions, recession and expansion. hahaaa... Go economics! Hmmm. Maybe I should create my own graph and it would represent the level of emotional activity of Lena in a week at school. ha. Talkin about eco...I got 20/20 for one of my trials essays!!! WOOOOT! So after all, studying for 4 chapters outa 22 chapters does help. But one thing I know for sure... is to never, ever underestimate the power of prayer. I reckon it's no use just praying 24/7 and not actually believing and having faith that what you're praying for will come to pass. :) yeap.

Anyways... back to my graph. hahaha. I guess the graph did come into being as a result of all the trials marks I've gotten back. I realised my expectations for all the the marks that I thought I'd deserved.. and what I actually got back in return... was um.. rather unexpected. haha. It seems as if whenever I expect just a pass, I get above average, and when I expect myself to get a really good mark, I do worse. Lesson of the day: Set your expectations not too high. Make it a little low. Then you'll be contented with the marks you receive. hahahahahaa. I wish I was more competitive... but I'm just not! ha. It's weird how some people can get so obsessed about trying to scab that one mark more just to beat the other and fight for that first rank. Honestly, I do admire them for doing that cuz it requires a fighting spirit? haha... and persistence and being strong-headed and!... an attitude of "I don't give a peas bout the bitchin behind my back bout how annoying people think I am for scabbing". BUT, being too competitive might have its pros and cons too. ahhhhh. But oh well. We're all individuals with characteristics that makes us all unique in our own way!

Ok... So I said I was addicted to wagging. And that is so true, considering I've driven outa school twice in 2 consecutive days on the last period and the next day, I uh... "slept in" and skipped the first lesson. I know I need to kick that habit.... but the thought of hangin out with my friends at gloria jeans coffee instead of sitting in class practically learning NOTHIN is just the most common-sensical thing to do? hahah. Plus... I always believe in self-study! :) It honestly works better! I should do home-study! DANG! hahahaa. Ok, I'm gonna try and be a good girl and not wag too many lessons next week... max... 1 lesson! Cuz... I think the teachers are gettin a lil pissed off at me for not turning up for lessons and I really don't feel comfortable lying to them. I know it's not settin a good example, and it's unacceptable... and unethical? ha. yess.. That shall be my new resolution for the next week. hee. AHHHHHHHHHHHH......it's saturday morning... which means mtv!!! ooooooohhhh la la... Can't wait to catch some cool dance moves! Have an awesome week guys!

Random thought: I realised... I do look forward to sundays too. (besides the point that its church day and I always can't wait for worship and sermon with digcers.) haha.... ahhhh. I'm weird. Ignore me. :)

posted by lena @ 11:04:00 AM 0 comments

Thursday, August 18, 2005

square one

Trials are finally over.... one down, one more to go. COME ONNNN! HSC take that!!!! Now... I don't want to get back to school next week. The thought of having to face the criticisms that i would most probably get from my trial papers and the terrible marks that will reflect just the amount of effort I actually put in my work..... is depressing. Or even better! Terrible marks that I might not have even deserved in the first place but because of the fact that I got nervous and read the question wrongly and crap on about absolutely irrelevant stuff! HmmmMMm. ahhhhhh. I'll deal with it later.

I feel like I'm back to square one again with my mum. About issues that wasn't an issue in the first place... until she decided to 'blow' it up? You know, like a fire that spreads so rapidly once it is in contact with kerosene?. ha. I'm just havin this visual in my head now of the analogy i made. haha. pretty funny. Anyway, seems like the stuff she said to me when it happened in Singapore didn't make much difference to what she said to me not too long ago. And the funny part is... they are only my friends. Nothin more than that. But no. As long as she thinks they're bad, they're bad. No compromises. No need for more explanation. Talk about being judgemental eh. Sigh. I don't know. I'm just upset that for once, I am not proud of my mum. I was proud of her when I introduced her to them. But after... I was terribly disappointed. Where is the compassion and love for the people, regardless of how they look like, the way they present themselves... why can't one just get to know them better before making any judgement?

I say it's all about my mum having the inertia to change. Too strong-headed. heh. Don't know if it applies to this context, but hey, i learnt that "inertia to change" in business studies. It more or less should mean the same thing, innit? Oh well. I think I really need to pray for wisdom on how to deal with this and for my mum as well. I really am tired of going against her and I want to respect her and listen to her advice (in this case, it may seem her advice was rather unreasonable but I know she just wants to protect me... but can she really protect me my whole life? That is the question.) And this means leaving my wonderful group of church friends that I have grown so fond of.. sigh. We'll see how it goes...

posted by lena @ 5:17:00 PM 0 comments